Body Confidence

I've been thinking about this much discussed topic a lot lately... trying to work out what my take on it is. See, the thing is... I would never in a million years present myself as a glowing example of good body confidence. I've suffered a lot - over the years - with low-self esteem, regarding different parts of body. My mouth is the biggest one... my teeth before braces were the target of many insults and that triggered a phobia of looking at my own teeth. But, body confidence is something I am always working on... and bellow are some of my wisdoms on the topic. Please note, these are just my opinions, not facts.

The Three Okay's

It's okay to feel unhappy with your appearance at times.

There is always a balance, to experience happiness you have to also experience sadness, it's part of the human experience. Therefore, if on occasion, you are not happy with your appearance then that is okay. It's when that feeling becomes prolonged and causes a negative impact on your life that a healthy change needs to take place.

It's okay to love your appearance

This seems very specific to the British culture, but to a certain extent we are brought up to be self-depriating, as that is presented to us as modest and down-to-earth. If you are body confident you can be so easily labeled as vain. I see it as a good thing, to enjoy your own appearance, to like who you are - as long as it isn't at the expense of others. There is a difference between valuing your worth and thinking you are above other people.

It's okay to improve your appearance

If you want to change something about your appearance, then go for it, as long as it isn't unhealthy and you want to make the change for yourself.

Why do people say negative things about peoples' appearances?

They feel insecure with their own body

I find that this happens a lot, for example: if someone was insecure with their weight, they might call another person 'too skinny', to reaffirm to themselves that how they are is okay and vice versa. This is by no means an excuse and unhealthy behaviour, as it hurts others.

They struggle to express their own views without putting them onto others

My friend read an article recently, stating that until the age of twenty-five we are unable to properly achieve this. Once, a friend of mine tried repeatedly to get me to wear jeans because they were the item of clothing they found most comfortable, so presumed I would too. In reality, because of my body proportions, they are uncomfortable for me to wear. Everyone is different and we should value those differences.

Learning to appreciate others' beauty

...without the need to compare yourself

This isn't an easy thing to do, it seems embedded into our very nature to compare ourselves to others, as a form of measure. Yet, it is a great thing to be able to appreciate someone else's beauty without feeling insecure in your own and without any desire to make them a romantic or sexual partner.

What is beauty?

I wrote my dissertation on this very topic. The world is a fickle place and the idea of what is 'beautiful' and 'attractive' changes over time. A person that would have been considered physically 'beautiful' 200 years ago, would probably not be considered stereotypically beautiful today. Therefore, there is no true measure of beauty.

There's this whole idea that beauty can be measured in facial symmetry. You know what, one side of my mouth won't rise when I smile... but I'm not going to have some theory tell me I'm not beautiful because of it.

I've spoken a lot about outer beauty but now I just quickly want to say that inner beauty is extremely important too. I say, 'too' because I believe that both inner and outer beauty are important. When I talk about outer beauty, I'm not talking about how well a person fits into the select category that society has created and labelled 'beautiful'. I'm talking about appreciating and seeing the differences and uniqueness in ourselves and others. When I talk of inner beauty, I'm not talking about trying to be the perfect person - life is difficult and people make mistakes - I'm talking about trying to be the best person you can be. In short, finding a kind of love in everything that we are.