Or rather, is being confident the only good thing? - by Rosa Fairfield.
Photographs by Linda Smith
This isn't really the correct title for this post, but I didn't really know how to word what I meant. I wanted to discuss what true confidence actually is... which brings me to....
What is confidence?
I was searching through my Pinterest feed when a bunch of stuff on confidence came up. Most of it included things like: not seeking approval, knowing who you are, not looking for validation, focusing on positive thoughts etc. When I really think about it though, to me confidence is just accepting who you are 'flaws' and all and going: 'yeah, I am this person and that's okay, even if that person is insecure, with low-selfestem... who occasionally needs a bit of validation.'
See, sometimes I kinda think that the world presents us with the 'elusion of confidence', like you have to go around being an outspoken, loud, opinionated person who will talk to anyone. Like, really? I think someone can be both shy and confident.
Is it a constant entity?
I very much doubt that most people feel confident all the time. It's just as whimsical as trying to achieve a constant state of happiness. We all have vulnerable moments of doubt. Those moments teach us a lot and often give us the courage to continue with something. Plus, is it just me or would a person be a little scary if they were 100% confident all the time... kinda like a car salesperson who is like that 24/7? You know... super cheesy grin, always trying to sell ya something?
Fake it till you make it
When I was studying acting at uni, we looked at the concept of the outer influencing the inner. It's something that works for me. The action of smiling normally makes me feels happy and the action of crying makes me upset. So, I guess the action of acting confident could make you feel confident. I think it's a great acting exercise but I don't think it's all that healthy when applied to reel (kinda was going for a movie pun there) life.
If someone's being your friend because they like the version of you that you've presented to them... then they're not actually your friend at all because they don't technically know you. I also feel like there is still so much stigma around being shy or an introvert - like it's something that needs to be corrected. Sometimes it feels like the 'concept' of confidence can just become another catalyst for that.
Is self-improvement really needed?
This is a tricky one. I'd say if you're negatively effected by low-confidence so much you want to be more confident, then go for it. I'm in full support of that. I think though, with any form of self-improvement it has to come from a desire of your own and not because someone else said so. Sometimes people and personalities just clash and it's hard to say which option is right or wrong so it would be hard to determine if you needed to change based of someone else's opinion.
Every time I say change, I think of someone changing their clothing for some reason (not in a weird creepy kinda way). Let's leave this discussion here.
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